Moving out: How to leave your dream home
How do you cope when your forever home turns out to be, well, not forever? We’ve got some great advice to help you move on when you need to move out, plus the story of one family who’ve made the tough decision to sell the home they love
What do you do when you have to leave a home you’ve lovingly designed and built yourself, or spent years making your own?
How do you let go of your home when it’s the place you always dreamed of?
We talk to one family facing up to the difficult decision to leave their beautiful Devon dream home, and we’ve got ten smart steps to help make moving on easier.
Leaving our Dartmoor dream house
Mike and Zoe Hope and their three boys aged 11 to 17 have lived in their dream home on Dartmoor since 2008.
Architect Mike and Zoe, who’s a nurse, bought the locally listed building when they fell in love with its quirky, historic charm.
At that stage it was little more than a corrugated tin shed in a state of disrepair.
Painted dark green, it was a local landmark, standing on its own near beauty spot Cadover Bridge, just inside Dartmoor national park.
Ready to assemble
The 19th Century building had originally been a kit building bought ready to assemble from a catalogue.
It was used as the wage captain’s house and office for the nextdoor China-clay works.
But with the works long closed and the clay pits transformed into fishing lakes, Mike and Zoe gave the little green shack a serious glow up to become a high-end designer family home.
Oak frame
The renovation involved Mike putting his professional skills to good use to design an oak-framed extension to more than double the size of the original house. (He’s a partner at Roderick James Architects, who specialise in oak-framed builds.)
A motley collection of previous extensions and outbuildings was demolished to make room for the sleek new extension, with the old materials set aside for reuse wherever possible.
Galvanised steel
The new part of the single-storey house was clad in larch, while the rusting tin of the original was replaced with smart, metallic-silver galvanised corrugated steel, which retains the utilitarian look, but with a 21st Century twist.
Inside, the old house was stripped right back then well insulated, before the beautiful timber pencil-bead boarding was reinstalled.
Single-glazed windows were replaced with double-glazing throughout, and the house was fitted with green tech including MVHR, air-source heat pump, and underfloor heating. Subsequently solar panels and solar water have been added.
The glazed gable in the living room and the oak-framed conservatory flood the house with light.
White-painted panelling contrasts nicely with the mellow oak frame, and the whole house is a perfect blend of old and new, oozing history and character.
In the garden, meanwhile, there’s a separate oak-framed studio where Mike works.
It’s easy to see why the family love living here so much. Mike says, “It’s been a brilliant place to raise our boys.
“The situation is idyllic – and we don’t have any neighbours!
“We’re on the edge of Dartmoor with two gates in the fence that open straight onto the moor.
“You can walk one way to Wigford Down, which is a relatively easy walk with your dog.
“Or, if you turn and go the other way, you can walk about 15 miles in that direction and not encounter anybody.”
So why are they leaving this characterful home they worked so hard to create.
Mike explains, “The boys are getting older and starting to want different things.
“Although we’re only 20 minutes from Plymouth, we’re getting fed up of running Dad and Mum’s Cabs.”
Heading for the coast
“At the same time, Zoe and I have always had dreams of living by the sea, and we want to fulfil those.
We’ve created one dream home, and we can do it again.
This has been a wonderful place for us, but we always said we wanted to live by the sea, so Cornwall is calling while we’re still young enough to start again.
“In lockdown the boys started online schooling and they’ve stuck with it.
They attend an international online school, which really works for them.
“We’d put our coastal dream on the back burner for years because of family life.
Then one day we just realised that, with the boys studying online, we had the flexibility to move.
So, we’ve put the house on the market, and we’re starting to think about where next…
“It will be such a wrench to leave this house where we’ve been so happy.
“But it gives me great satisfaction to know we’ve rescued a historic building that was at risk and given it a future.
“It’s an ideal home for someone who loves the moor. You’re surrounded by nature here, on the wild moor but in a warm and cosy house with all mod cons.
“It’s the only home our boys have known, and it’s been an incredible place for them to grown up.
“But the next adventure beckons for us as a family.”
Moving house – and moving on…
Image credit: Pexels
The Hopes (appropriately) have a positive reason for wanting to leave their dream home – to pursue a new dream.
That’s tough enough, but moving on from your perfect property when it’s for reasons not of your choosing can be much harder.
We’ve put together ten steps that should help ease the transition when you really don’t want to move…
1. Take time to grieve
Remember it’s OK to feel sad and nostalgic, even heartbroken and furious, about having to leave your home – even if it’s something you’re choosing to do.
The important thing is to acknowledge the feelings and let yourself feel them.
Some people find writing it all down helps. Others prefer long walks or drives to process big feelings.
Whatever works for you, let yourself grieve the loss – it’s real and valid.
Image credit: Pexels
2. Get clear about the “why” behind your move
Whatever the reason for your move – whether it’s for finances, family reasons, work, or health – being very clear about why you need to leave can help give the decision meaning, and clarify your thoughts.
3. Try reframing
Sometimes we need let go of one thing before the next right thing appears.
Maybe this isn’t the end of your dream – just a redirection of it.
Or, as for the appropriately named Hope family, the birth of a new dream.
4. Remember you’re more than your home
Remind yourself that you are not your house: Your identity and future aren’t confined to a single place. New adventures can await in your new home.
5. Focus on the future
You might not find another dream home immediately.
But focus on the other positive things a move will bring you, whether that’s less stress, more time for other things, new opportunities, financial freedom, or a more manageable space.
When you find yourself ruminating about the old place, actively choose to take positive action towards your new life instead.
Image credit: Pexels
6. Build the foundations of a new life
Do a deep dive into researching your new home.
Think about things that haven’t worked in your current home and try to find a new place that won’t have those flaws.
Research transport and social opportunities in the area you want to move to so you can jump straight into your new life and don’t have time to pine.
6. Cherish your memories
Make a photo book full of happy events in the house over the years and a video tour to preserve memories of your home.
Image credit: Pexels
8. Preserve what you can
When you move, take with you small but meaningful items: a plant from the garden, a door handle, a favourite light fixture, or anything symbolic.
If your favourite thing about your home is the view, the way a room looks or a room’s light, remember to photograph it before you go.
9. Give yourself time to adjust
It can take months to feel settled in a new place. Don’t rush the process.
Create new rituals in your new home – your favourite tea in the new kitchen, a walk around the block – to create familiarity, routine and comfort.
10. Seek support
Image credit: Pexels
Talk it out with friends or a therapist – you don’t have to pretend you’re fine because it was ‘just a house’ or because you feel fortunate in other aspects of your life.
Denying feelings doesn’t make them go away.
Most important of all, be kind to yourself.
We rely on our homes to help us feel safe and secure, after all. And moving house is stressful at the best of times.
In time, you’ll settle in your new place and will be able to look back fondly on the time you were lucky enough to live in such a special place.
Image credit: Pexels
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